


My Only Piece of You (Is the Sight of Where You Used to Be)

by nutshell



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:32:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nutshell/pseuds/nutshell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, Five Times Adam Turned Around to Find Kris Gone and One Time He Found Him</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Only Piece of You (Is the Sight of Where You Used to Be)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [My Only Piece of You](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/6068) by Bubby Wubby. 



ONE

Adam took a sip of his drink absently, his attention drawn to a figure by the bar. The beat rocked through him and he hummed approvingly.  His eyes tracked the guy he’d been eying, following his progress through the crowd.  The pounding reached down deep and touched him beyond the veil of confusion and disappointment he’d been feeling of late. The guy was making his way by, passing a few feet from Adam’s spot by the wall.

Adam reached out and grabbed the man’s arm, surprisingly well-built under his grip.  He turned his captive around and spared an appreciative glance for his compact form before leaning forward and trying to yell an apology for the rudeness. The man looked up at him for a moment and then nodded. He put his free hand on Adam’s other arm, Adam realizing with a start that he was still holding on.

Adam let that grip loosen and trail down a toned arm to a damp wrist, feeling oddly quiet and intimate despite the pounding music and wild crowd.  He felt suspended on the edge of something delicate and hopeful.

And then they were in the shadows, pressed together against the wall.  He knew he was babbling like a fool, but the words were carried away by the roaring of the club and the guy was nodding and his hands were on his waist and the energy was electric. He skimmed his lips over the curve of his ear, the line of his jaw, the hollow of his neck, and his skin was hypersensitive and the air was charged. He wanted – he needed – to touch, to taste. He needed to be closer. Their mouths met and it was wonderful and he needed to be closer. They clutched at each other and there were hands on skin and they were so, wonderfully close.

And there was nothing but the two of them and it was so, so good.

They were sticky and hot and panting and none of that registered.  Adam breathed deep, once, twice, and felt the man clasped tight to his chest do the same.  Slowly, reluctantly, he made himself let go and slumped against the wall. He felt something welling up deep inside, a swell of feeling sweeping through him, and he was happy.  He smiled into the space between the curves of their bodies, looking at their hands, lightly linked together.  He smiled wide, freer than he had in a long time. He smiled as they breathed together, even as the world seeped back in.

Adam played with their fingers as, on the edge of his awareness, he began again to hear the beat as more than just a throb in his bones.  The music faded gradually back in and the flashing strobe revealed waving hands and tossing heads forming out of the background.  Adam looked at this wonderful, wonderful person and pressed their swollen lips together and laughed, happy and light. 

“Let me get you some water.” Adam ran his thumbs over the over-heated skin of those wonderful cheeks and told a wonderful ear, “I’ll be right back.”

Adam snaked through the crowd, still feeling light and wonderful.  On a swell of happiness, he turned around to gaze upon his newfound joy and the smile snapped off his face.

The man was gone.

 

 

TWO

“There’s Mr. Kris!” Maddie pointed excitedly, drawing Adam along behind her with her other hand. She tackled the man, who chuckled and gave her a little squeeze as he set his guitar case gently on the ground.  Adam felt a slight twinge of familiarity, but he brushed it away and extended his hand. 

“I’m Adam.  Adam Lambert.” 

The man looked up at him with a smile and took his hand.

\---

“And then I said that Uncle Adam said that he was cute and Mr. Kris turned really red!” Maddie giggled at Tommy.

Adam groaned. “The thanks I get for bringing my favorite goddaughter to her school festival.”

“Job well done, squirt.” Tommy high-fived her. Adam sank into the couch while Tommy sent her up to get ready for bed.

“So you like a certain music director at my daughter’s school.” Tommy waggled his eyebrows at Adam. “The question is, do you like him? Or do you _like_ like him?”

Adam threw a cushion at him.

“We could send Maddie in with a note: ‘Do you like me? Check yes or no.’”

Adam slumped back into the couch. “He has a ring.”

Tommy looked contemplative, “I’ve never heard anything about a Mrs. Kris Allen.”

“Because you’re so intimate with the staff.” Adam sighed. “It’s too bad.  He _was_ cute. And sweet, and funny.”

“Hey,” Tommy protested, “We are pretty close to the teachers there.” He looked over at where Adam had flung an arm over his face and said, more quietly, “Seriously, this is the first time you’ve even looked at a guy since you quit that clubbing spree you went on after you quit the Bureau.  I think this is progress.”

Adam didn’t say anything.

\---

Adam took a sip from his wine glass, absently scanning the room. In the back of his mind, he noted Mike inspecting the glass cases that held the pieces in the current exhibit. Adam checked his watch and then eyed the entrances to the gallery yet again.  His eyes widened to see the cute music director from Maddie’s school walk through the main doors, arm in arm with a pretty, petite blonde in a hot little dress. He watched them stroll, smiling, through the gallery. They were clearly completely comfortable with each other and looked like a perfect, matching set.

Adam threw back the rest of his drink.

“Adam! Come, I’d like you to meet someone.” Adam forced his face into a pleasant expression as the gallery owner led him over to the happy couple. “Megan, darling, this is Adam.  His firm is doing a security assessment of the gallery.” Adam extended his hand to the blond woman as the gallery owner continued, “Adam, this is Megan Joy, one of my favorite buyers.”

They shook hands and Megan started to introduce her companion, “This is Kris. Kris–“

“I think we’ve met, actually,” Adam interrupted and saw the recognition spread over Kris’ face. He felt something inside twist as Kris looked up at him and smiled.

\---

“You should go talk to him.”

Adam started and turned his head to stare at Megan as she continued. “I see you gazing longingly at him.” He started to shake his head, but Megan winked. “I get it. I really, really do.”

Adam waved his hands ineffectually for a moment and then said carefully, “I wouldn’t try anything with your husband. I mean, he obviously loves you.”

Megan laughed, “Oh honey, you have my blessing to go after my _ex_.” She stressed the last word and paused to make sure he got it. “It would probably do him good.”

Adam turned back to look at Kris, who was tracing the shape of a deep blue perfume bottle, careful not to touch the glass. He straightened his back and felt his face relax.

“Go get him, tiger,” Megan murmured and pushed him lightly in Kris’ direction.

\---

“Wow,” Adam whistled. He’d decided about two sentences into Kris’ explanation of glassblowing (laced with the occasional, totally deadpan dirty joke) that he could listen to Kris talk in that low, easy voice forever. He hoped that didn’t come off insincere, but Kris just nodded. He really was impressed. Then again, Adam was even more impressed with the entranced look on Kris’ face as he gestured gently at some of his favorite pieces, his fingers hovering, but never quite touching.

Adam looked down at Kris and saw him looking back with a smile. He felt some emotion swelling inside. It took a moment to register the buzzing on his leg as his phone.  He scrabbled at it and swore silently when he saw the office number. He excused himself quickly, turning and taking a few strides away to answer.

Ending the call, Adam turned around and gazed at the empty spot where Kris had been standing with a sick sense of disappointment. He felt a twinge of familiarity as he scanned the room with little hope and more resignation.

 

 

 

THREE

Adam sipped his latte and considered the curls on the man across the table.

“Look, Agent Giraud, I really don’t see why you called me here.”

Giraud shuffled some papers. “Agent Lambert, you were the lead on this case for three years.”

“And other agents had lead for four years before me and three years after.” Adam tightened his grip on the paper cup. “I quit the Bureau because I couldn’t catch the man, what makes you think I can help you now?”

The agent put his hand on a folder in front of him. “You know he’s had a string of identities. We’ve recently had some chatter suggest that his latest may be based here in LA. I contacted you because other than that we haven’t had any new intel on him since you retired – not even any more crackpot rumors of a female partner.”

“What about the latest heist?”

“His latest heist was three years ago: the last one you worked and the closest we’ve ever come to catching him.” Giraud sighed and looked at Adam. “I would have thought you’d keep abreast of the situation.”

“I put a lot of effort into forgetting all about it.” Adam raised his cup and took a sip, a little shakily. “After three years of long nights and endless research, profile after profile, plan after plan, we thought we had him. We were so close we could almost taste it. I bet my career on it.”

Giraud waited as Adam stared into the distance like he could see into the past.

“We knew where he was going to be. We mapped out every eventuality. He was _there_. But we turned around and he was gone.” Adam fell silent.

“And the necklace gone with him.”

“Agent Giraud, like I said, I’ve spent years putting this all behind me. Everything I know about this is already on file. I don’t have anything else to give you.” Adam rose and tossed his cup in the trash. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t contact me again.”

 

 

 

FOUR

Adam sat on the steps outside the empty school. Lost in a fugue, he almost missed Kris walking on by. He surged to his feet and snagged an arm, spinning Kris around to face him.

“Sorry!” He blurted out. There was something niggling at the back of his mind, but he pushed it away quickly, releasing his grip and patting Kris’ wrinkled shirtsleeve smooth. “I didn’t want to miss you.” He watched Kris’ expression go from surprised to confused to uncertain.

“Look. I think we were hitting it off at the gallery,” Adam started with false confidence, “And I thought maybe we could pick back up. Go for drinks?” He saw Kris start to take a step back. “Or coffee! Just grab some coffee! Or tea!” Adam babbled, panicking. “If that’s your cup of… tea.” He finished lamely.

Kris laughed quietly and seemed to relax.  Encouraged, Adam turned up the puppy eyes, his expression so hopeful he could feel his heart bracing for a shattering rejection. “Please?”

Kris gave in.

\---

“We’re meeting at Literati!” Adam crowed.

“The parking lot ambush, works every time.” Tommy’s voice crackled over his Bluetooth. “As long as ‘working’ includes them thinking you’re a stalker and macing you.”

“Hey, don’t knock my methods until you try them.  Oh wait, you have.” Adam shot back. “I heard about you waiting at his car, trying to corner him.”

“That was for you, you dick! I was trying to find out if he was married.” There was a pause, a touch of static marking the silence, before Tommy tried gently, “You think he’s not going to ditch again?”

“He promised not to.” Adam listened to Tommy ‘hm’ doubtfully. “And he apologized for running out before. He even gave me a little show on the way to his car to make sure I was watching him.”

“A show, huh?”

“Not that kind of show,” Adam spluttered, “It’s a school! Your daughter’s school.”

“So I think I have a right to know in a little more detail.”

Adam laughed. “Anyway, I think he’ll show.”

“You’re tailing him, aren’t you?”

“I don’t use my government-trained skills for personal reasons.” Adam checked his mirror. “He’s in my rear-view. It’s more subtle.”

“I’m hanging up now.” Tommy paused. “Good luck.”

\---

Adam traced a hand down Kris’ arm where they lay sprawled in bed. He looked down over the sleeping form and smiled gently.

“I’m so happy. I’ve been so happy,” he said quietly into one small ear. He kept stroking lightly as he contemplated the months they’ve had together. “And I want to share that happiness. I want to share it with you. I want to share it with my friends. I want to share it with my family. I want to share it with everyone.” His hand stilled. “I want to share _you_ with them and them with you.

“But sometimes,” Adam’s smile slipped, “Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know you, like you don’t really want me to.” He breathed out slowly. “I just don’t know what you’re thinking.” He looked out into space for a while, lost in thought. Then he looked down at Kris’ sleeping face and pressed a soft kiss to his temple, whispering through his hair.

“I just want to understand.”

\---

“I asked him if he’d ever trust me enough to share his feelings.”

“Adam.” Tommy sounded quiet.

“I know.” Adam turned and paced the room again, pressing the phone to his ear. “He said no.”

The line was silent for a few moments until Tommy said tentatively, “How long-“

“It’s been a few weeks.” Adam threw himself in a chair. “Since I’ve seen him. We tried talking on the phone, but it didn’t...” He tapped his foot a few times. “I don’t… I think I…” He stopped and then said, all in a rush, “I miss him.” He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling.

The fan in his computer whirred. Maybe he should get it cleaned, he thought.

“I need to talk to him,” Adam said decisively, “Face to face. But… later. After Thanksgiving – he won’t be back until then, anyway.”

\---

Adam gripped his steering wheel and took a deep breath. He steeled himself and stepped out of the car. He took slow, measured steps up the walk in front of Kris’ house. He focused on his goal, ignoring everything else but getting through that door.

The house, predictably, was empty.

 

 

 

FIVE

Adam leaned back in his chair and gazed out the window.

“Moping?” Mike was standing in front of Adam’s desk clutching a couple files in one hand when Adam spun around to face the sudden intrusion.

Adam’s face tightened. 

Mike seemed to come to a decision and stepped forward, tossing the folders onto the desk. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“What for?” Adam brushed him off as he opened the top file. He froze. His voice was flat, “What is this.”

“That’s the file on your boy.” Mike watched Adam page through the papers, movements tense. “Notice anything peculiar?”

“This is too clean.” Adam paused on one document, “Not even a parking ticket. Who’s Kathryn O’Connell?”

“Noticed that, did you? Says there she married one Kristopher Neil Allen, divorced a few years ago. Her record’s pretty standard, no obvious red flags. No mention, however, in that file there of any Megan Joy, supposed ex-wife of the same Mr. Allen. That’s her file you’ve got underneath that one.  Megan Joy Corkrey – you’ll find it also suspiciously clean.”

Adam stared blankly at files spread in front of him. “I don’t understand,” he murmured.

“And here’s the kicker,” Mike leaned forward to place a photo in front of him. “Here’s a wedding photo of Kris and Katy Allen.” Megan’s face beamed up at them, with Kris by her side. “These two are not who they say they are.”

Adam thought of Kris and all the time they’d shared. He was silent as everything he thought he knew about the man crumbled away.

 

 

 

ONE

Adam answered the phone with one hand, paging through a stack of records with the other.

“Adam. We need to talk.” He almost dropped his phone in shock.

“Megan. Or should I say Katy? I must say, this is a bit of a surprise.”

“You know Megan’s my real name.” Her voice was steady. “You’ve been causing quite of bit of trouble for me lately. And not just for me. The thing is, Adam, I think there’s one priority we have in common.”

“Do you, Megan?” Adam couldn’t help letting his voice go snide. “What goal do you think we have in common?”

“You loved him.” Megan took Adam’s silence as agreement. “You loved Kris and you still love him. And we both want to make him happy.”

Adam made an involuntary noise. “Maybe I thought I loved him, but as it turns out, I didn’t even _know_ him. Why would you think I’d care if he was happy?”

“You’ve been searching this long and this hard for someone you don’t care about? Face it, Adam, you still care. You’re right, though, that it’s never going to work until you know. That’s why we need to talk. I’m going to tell you the truth, Adam.” Megan’s voice was still frustratingly calm.

“And I’m supposed to believe that you’re just going to tell me all your secrets because you think it will make Kris happy?”

“Well we’re going to require immunity before I can tell you anything, of course.” Megan paused and finally her voice gentled, “It’s not going to be pretty, Adam, but I think you know that. And I think you need this.  I think you need to know.”

Adam had to agree.

\---

“Shit.”

\---

Kris was looking up at him warily. Adam took the chance to look him over. He was thinner, he looked tired. Adam crowded closer, needing to soothe the tension in Kris’ body, to calm the shaking in his voice. Adam wrapped Kris up in his arms and held him tight, feeling them both slowly relax until there was just the beating of their hearts. 

Adam pulled back a little so they could face each other. “Look, I _know_ , okay? I know all of it. You don’t have to hide anymore.” He watched Kris hunch over a little. “I know you, Kris, and it’s okay. I had to find you because all I want,” he leaned in a little closer, “Is you.”

Kris put his head on Adam’s shoulder and breathed for a few long silent moments. Then he nodded and they shared a brief, sweet kiss. Adam put his forehead against Kris’ and looked at him gratefully. He swept his thumbs gently over Kris’ cheeks.

“Just, please… don’t run away again,” Adam murmured painfully. “I don’t think I could take it.”

Kris was still. Adam closed his eyes; he couldn’t even Kris breathing. Then Kris’ hands tightened on him and he opened his eyes as Kris drew in one ragged breath.

“I promise.”


End file.
